10.01.2008

feeling blah

Hi Sweet Friends and Bloggers - Good Morning. You are so lucky you're not here right now, the morning breath in this house is, well, intense! Taylor and I are off to brush our teeth right after we eat some breakfast. Anyone want to come and be our personal chef for a few days? No? No. Okay.

Things have been real busy around here, which is good, but it's taking it's toll on me. Ever since I had Taylor, my hormones have been all whacky and it's been messing with me every once in awhile, but it hasn't been bad. (Just a lot of hot flashes, irregular cycles, the skin of a teenager, but really that's it.)

Well, the past few months I have just been feeling so stressed - whether there was something to be worried about or not. I feel all panicky inside and rushed (like when you realize you are late for an appointment you completely forgot or something) and it's really been hard on me lately. I am always feeling rushed. There is nothing I can do to get the feeling of panic to go away, no matter how relaxed I feel, no matter how wonderful my life is, no matter how much I slap a smile on my face - I just feel rushed and panicked.

So - not fun, but I've dealt with it. That's my only choice, right!? I would totally go see a doctor but I have no health insurance due to tight finances. (Taylor has insurance - I just feel like I need to say that!!). I do not want to put us further in debt than we already are - so there's the issue. I keep thinking that if I lost some weight things would feel better, but it just gets me all worked up even more and feeling frenzied and a bit defeated.

So... if I have been snappy or short with anybody or have been removed or a little less fun, it's just that I've been dealing with this crud for the past 3-4 months, perhaps more. Maybe blogging about it will make me feel better?!

Disclaimer time - I totally know that I live a blessed life with a wonderful support of family and friends, I have a lovely husband and a son who makes my heart so proud. So when I have so much to be thankful for, what the heck is going on with me!?

Thanks for putting up with me, sweet friends.

4 comments:

Robin said...

Hey - Studying for my exam and thought I would stop to read about somebody else for awhile. I that have also suffered the same anxiety stuff for a long time and I completely know what that it is like. Sucks big time. If you can't afford therapy - purchase a book (that has a good reputation). May sound cheesy but I experienced more calm after reading: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose; Power of Now; Everywhere you go there you are;and Peace is Every Step. I've also heard of Peace for Nervous Sufferers (that one helped my mom when she was in her 20's).

Most of us have been there at numerous times in our lives. I have drifted in and out of bouts of insanity. Also - you can get therapy with no insurance and pay a co-pay of about 20 bucks. I know this from working in social services. If you want info let me know.

Egghead said...

Oh I hope you can get through this. It is so hard to feel like that all the time. You do have a great family and so much love. You are lucky. Hugs!

Kristi said...

Putting up with you? Not a chore, I LOVE you!! I'm so glad you felt like you could be honest with all of us and put your feelings on the blog. Call me any time sweet girl!

Jill said...

I'm with Kristi--it's an absolute joy to even KNOW you!!! You are wonderful! I'm impressed you posted this: I think it shows real intelligence and sensitivity, and totally speaks volumes for what others go thru and don't WANT to admit! So cheers for that, and just know you aren't alone in this! I understand the finance thing--BELIEVE ME THERE--keep in mind that you're doing a fantastic job w/the family, home, and business, but you need to take care of yourself too, pretty lady!!! Love and miss you!