babies and advice
Every parent knows that when you take your child out in public, it's basically an open-invitation to all strangers to give you parenting advice, criticize you and your parenting choices and to basically make you feel like an ass.
I learned about this open-invitation for mockery and judgment very early in my motherhood. I was told Taylor was too yellow (duh, hello jaundice and billi-rubin lights!), that he needed socks on (JULY!!), and the biggest one, when Taylor got his glasses, a lady in white stretch pants with purple/red hair told me I was taking away his childhood by making him wear glasses. Seriously. I was taking away Taylor's childhood by putting him in glasses that HELPED. HIM. SEE.
It's my great friend Jill that passed along this amazingly funny website called Let's Panic!, and I love the humor and sarcasm this website has dripping out of it's pores. Give the whole website your attention, but I will highlight a tiny part of what made me laugh so hard I tinkled a little bit. Or a lot bit.
When going out in public with your baby, you will be given unsolicited advice, like this:
What you will hear: “That sun is shining right in your baby’s eyes!”
Who will say it: A total stranger who resents your control over the direction of the sun.
Why she is saying it: You caused the sun to shine right in your baby’s eyes.
What you should do: Thank the stranger for saving your baby’s eyes, and shift the angle of the sun so that it no longer shines directly in your baby’s eyes. Even though your baby is sleeping and her eyes are closed. (Also: run away.)
Jill, thank you so much for the website, I love it! Readers, really, control the angle of the sun when it beats down in your child's eyes. You wouldn't want to ruin your child's life and have to put glasses on them.
Maybe next time we'll talk about the part about vaginas from Let's Panic. But Monday is too soon for that sort of talk. That's a Wednesday thing.