victim of a hate crime. or the sick humor of a 4-year-old.

About a month back, Trask got new toothpaste. I hate it when I'm not involved in this task, because if I don't like it, it's partially my fault for choosing it. However, T and I are both terrible at choosing a toothpaste, as well as toilet paper. We can just stand in the aisle for a LONG time browsing, picking something up, putting it down, gazing off in the distance, and then I usually get distracted by something shiny down in the next aisle and I take off...

Anyway, that's beside the point. The point is, Trask went solo and got toothpaste.

I tried it the next morning, and was immediately grossed out. I told Trask that it tasted like URINE, and he was never to choose toothpaste again. Ever. (And I'm really not sure how I knew what urine tasted like - but it couldn't be mistaken).

Flash forward to that night, where I SKIP BRUSHING MY TEETH because I'm terrified. I'm literally scared to brush my teeth. So I skip it and hope for the best.

Next morning, it's time to brush my teeth. I get all nervous, but give myself a pep talk. I tell myself that maybe it tasted funny last time because I had juice or something that clashed with the taste of the toothpaste. Sooooo, I tried again. And F*$#, it tasted like PEE! Was I surprised? I guess not. But why!?!?

I then slowly look over to my son Taylor (age 4), who has been known to love cleaning and scrubbing. Our conversation goes like this:

me: Hey Taylor, did you do something to Mommy's toothbrush?

Taylor: (in a cute, sweet, guilty voice) nnnnnnnnnnnno Mommy.

me: Taylor, did you play with Mom's toothbrush? (said kinda panicky)

Taylor: (in a cuter, sweeter and even guiltier voice) yeeeeeeeees Mommy.

me: What did you do??

Taylor: I took it in the bathtub.

me: The bathtub? Were you taking a bath with it?

Taylor: Actually, it was the potty. I cleaned it.

I can't really remember what happened after that. I may have blacked out. I'm not a germ-a-phobe at all, but this was the pisser, and this was my toothbrush, that I put in my mouth.

Needless to say, I have a new toothbrush, and as it turns out, the toothpaste Trask picked out doesn't taste bad at all!


Bossy Betty said...

Ooooooooooooo.....I need to go brush my teeth again after reading this!!!

sassypackrat said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd have to bleach my mouth!!!! Yuck!!!! I'm shaking I'm so freaked out! You poor thing!

Jacque Rogers said...

Have you ever considered either writing a book or trying out for Last Comic Standing?

You would win - I swear you would!!!!

Abbie Nourmel said...

I adore your site! You share the same humor I do... which is hysterical and rare. Good on ya!
In the future, you can keep a glass of peroxide next to the sink. Double duty: whitening teeth AND taking care of poo water germs!

Abbie Nourmel